Having completely stuffed up the naming of its God-awful-sounding cream cheese and Vegemite in a jar, the carbon blobs down at Kraft have reissued the naming competition with a list of six options for us punters to pick from.

Now before getting to them, what did we all think about iSnack 2.0? To me, there is something incredibly depressing about marketing that “targets a younger generation”. Do advertising executives ever actually speak to teenagers before trotting out slogans that are supposed to appeal to them? I understand that trying to corner one of their target markets and extract meaningful data from them for the purpose of advertising may be a difficult undertaking, but they don't really do themselves any favours in just guessing, do they? I mean really, iSnack 2.0! If there was anyone out there, anyone, who thought this didn't sound utterly shit I'd like to meet them. So I could join the queue of people wanting to flush their heads down a toilet.

Of the list of things that iSnack 2.0 could possibly constitute as a consumer item, a jar of cheese and vegie doesn't top the list of obvious choices. In fact, almost nothing that I would be remotely interested in purchasing makes the list. So it is with great amusement that I now witness Kraft running around in a blame game trying to find a finger point worthy target of the whole shambolic affair. Do any of the board members have children they could have asked before approving the manufacture of 500,000 units? I'm sure had they applied this simple test, the incapacitating and sustained laughter it generated my have foreshadowed the debacle that we are now witnessing.

So now we have a list of six alternatives for the much maligned jar of goo . Somewhere among Cheesybite, Creamymate, Smooth, Snackmate, Vegemate and Vegemild lies the future of gross lunchbox snack material.

Have a closer look though. I know it's probably pronounced differently, but the second one on the list, does that look a bit like it says Cream-my-mate. Oh joy. Please, please pick that one! You bunch of twits! You've given the voting public the opportunity to give your sinking flagship a moniker that begs someone to, well, Cream-my-mate. Have you learnt nothing?

I would imagine that some young graduate at Kraft will point this seemingly obvious flaw out and the name will be quietly abandoned during the course of the competition. If not, I do look forward to one of the better oversights in corporate branding since the Swan Hill Institute of Technology stopped abbreviating it's name on it's letterhead.

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