Some nights, while you’re sleeping the fail fairies come and sprinkle fail dust in your hair, so no matter how hard you try, everything you do the next day will fail. Epically.

This morning I woke up (late) shouted at the children for not doing something I had told them I would do while they were in bed, stepped on the dog, forgot to feed the cat and drove half way up my street with the hand brake on, while cursing the car for being so crap and unreliable.

Then I got to work, email a Very Important Client apologising for the delay on their impotent issue, and ascribing said delay to the fact that I am so busty at the moment.

So I thought I would escape into Twitter for some light relief. In my first tweet of the day I managed to accidentally suggest to someone that dogs should crap in their ear (which they shouldn’t) because he owns a purple poodle (which he doesn’t). This, mind you, was directed at the most welcoming and friendly of all the tweeple I’ve met on Twitter. Apology attempt implied that it was all his fault for posting such a link (which it wasn’t and he posts lots of very interesting link, which I truly enjoy).

So, realising that interaction with the virtual world was an increasingly bad idea I decided to take myself out for some medicinal muffins.

As I bounced in to the local café a tall good looking man was scouring the pie cabinet for a vegetarian lunch option. I stood behind him radiating scorn and concocting more insulting remarks about vegetarians in my head.

When it came my turn to be served I veered away from the muffins and loudly requested a big meaty pie, just to make a point. My pie and coffee were handed over, $6.50 requested in return, which was when I realised that I had left my wallet on my desk at work and only had $5 in change on me. Tall Vegetarian Man smiled kindly at me and insisted on paying for my big meaty insult-pie.

I was too busy turning my face purple (yes, like a poodle) to thank him properly. So I scurried out of the bakery with my shamefully meaty pie (paid for by a kind vegetarian) and dropped my coffee on a nice blue-haired old lady’s shoes because I wasn’t looking where I was going.

And it’s not yet 3 o’clock.

How does one appease the fail fairies? Happy to sacrifice the cat to them if that will help, or would they prefer a small altar with photos and burning incense in the corner of my office?

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