News Flash, folks: there are shitheads in the world. Some of them are rich, some of them are poor, they come from every race and religion and creed and culture imaginable, and thousands of them spent last week being shitheads all over the UK.

Remember that long-suffering Amazon Indian dude that Sting used to drag all over the world with him to bolster his claims of being important? I bet while he sat there looking dignified and bewildered at yet another presser, he was thinking to himself "I wonder if Tkatl's stolen my fucking cooking pot again".

No society is or ever has been free of shitheads; it's an evolutionary imperative that there are shitheads in every group, hanging around wanting to steal the tribe's food without putting in any work. The non-shitheads find a way to catch or grow more food, and protect it from the shitheads, and the group prospers through this innovation.

Shitheads are everywhere, and they'll use any excuse to steal whatever's not nailed down and break it if it is nailed down, cause they're too stupid to realise the (stolen) jemmy bar they're using as a club is actually made to pull nails out.

Nothing is going to stop them existing, and breeding, and influencing other potential non-shitheads to go out and join this ever-increasing sub-species of human.

Nothing.

So shut the hell up about social inclusion and the welfare state and the politics of envy and shopping with violence and Whites becoming Black and all the other self-serving wank, allright?

Shutup with the "Oh, these poor children feel disenfranchised by growing up in poverty". Shutup with the "They're just criminals and they should be punished to the full extent of the law". Shutup with "It's the nihilistic gangsta-rap culture". Shutup with "It's the consumerist society and the equation of materialism with success".

And please please PLEASE shutup with your One Size Fits All sociology theory that you place over the top of everything from the UK riots to footballers' attitudes to women to beauty pageants to Reality TV just to get yourself a byline on the OpEd page once a month.

I've read trolls from right and left variously apply the riots to their own template of All That's Wrong With The World: it's immigration or it's specifically Muslim immigration. Too much or not enough. It's too much welfare, or it's not enough. It's racism or it's political correctness, it's single mothers, it's social media, it's mobile phones, it's the fact that feral bankers caused the GFC and went largely unpunished, it's video games and gangsta rap and Simon fucking Cowell.

Enough.

Shit happens. Shitheads do things. They don't explain it in terms that any of us can understand, because we're not shitheads. But we, sitting comfortably at our blog-machines, reading all kinds of opinion from all over the spectrum, feel well-informed, we feel that we've worked it out, and we feel that we have a right, nay a responsibility, to tell all the other self-satisfied illuminati Why It Happened.

Fuck off.

I don't know why it happened, except that the police shot a guy, and initially, shall we say, got it wrong, when recounting the circumstances. So the guy's local community went off, and the rest is history. Well, it's a lot of burnt shops and shitheads robbing each other and stealing shit rather than actual history, truth be told.

Would it have been more acceptable if they'd attacked police stations or banks? Would it have been easier to understand if it had descended into ethnic-based violence? Is that the problem, that it hasn't stuck to the logic that we usually apply to this kind of thing, and now we're all frantically trying to find a way to make it fit into our own world-view?

None of us knows enough to understand why the riots happened, and even fewer of us have any idea about how to stop it happening again. Because there IS no way to stop it happening again.

Riots have been around for as long as we've been gathering in groups of more than eight, and for we bloggers and you journos and historians and "commentators" to all sit around rubbing ourselves under the desk in self-congratulation for coming up with The Answer is an insult to history, and humanity.

Not that I have a problem with insulting humanity, cause you all suck.

+ 18

+ 2