Well, folks, we tried, but he didn’t want to play. We sent Jeff a lovely email, with a surprisingly sane list of questions, we offered him an unedited right of reply, and we attached photos of our bums. He turned us down; politely, but no means no, so we’re left with ruminations and reminiscences, which, it turns out, are actually pretty good.

We were surprised and more than a little impressed at the level of sanity that’s been exhibited by people on the subject of Mr Kennett, given the amount of spittle we wiped off our faces when we floated Bring Back Jeff as a topic.

‘Fraid we’ve got a little serious in this month’s issue – with everything that’s been going down in Canberra while we’ve been putting it together, it’s kindled memories of a time when politicians actually did something. Check our Daily Shout on the website for some of our frothing over UteGate and related topics.

Also, we’ve been frantically putting all kinds of other thoughts to paper; amazing what happens when we actually show some respect to the concept of a deadline, although the two of us writing about politics usually ends up with flying crockery or a manifesto on Jane And Juzzy Should Be In Charge, And Here’s Why.

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Having spent a large part of the past month laid up on the couch with various ailments, a lot of time has been spent online. Please join with us and start sending vicious emails and phonecalls to The Age, because their website BLOWS.

- Every time you open it, you get a pop-up.

- They’ve started allowing ads (how desperate are they for cash???) that take over the entire fucking page, and you have to manually close them, but of course they popped up just as you clicked on an article you wanted to read so instead of Penny Wong’s latest Himey the Robot impersonation, you get sent to some giant Flash-turbation over-animated brand new Holden or Aussie Home Loans waste of time and space.

- The Age website loads slower and slower these days, owing to the number of animated ads that they allow on their front page, meaning your browser freezes as you wait for Billy Fucking Connolly or some such fuck to dance around in your peripheral vision as you’re trying to read about Mr Balloon-Head’s latest hairdryer tantrum.

- And if you do click on an article, the “single page view” is a separate page. I’m wearing out the “back” button on the lappie!!

- And The Age is, let’s face it, going down the toilet. People aren’t abandoning newspapers because of online competition, or a new paradigm or any of that bullshit, people are abandoning newspapers because editorial control was ceded to the accounts and advertising departments, and newspapers are turning into irrelevant shit.

If we want breaking news, we go to the ABC, CNN or BBC online. If we want depth, that’s where paper comes in, and newspapers have surrendered the serious-reading market to magazines like ours and other throw-aways such as Vanity Fair and The Economist.

And don’t get us started on Television. Gawd, if there’s a bunch of stuffed shirt, stick in the mud, feet of clay, heads in the sand, straw men more needful of a month with Dr Phil Nitszchke, I’ll go heave.

Feeling all Twenty-First Century now? Good.

* * *

All the details for what’s coming next month in the Tribune are on page 16, along with a reminder that anyone who can write a coherent sentence or draw recognisable and amusing stick figures can and should contribute. And for those of you bored rigid by politics, relax, next month has nothing to do with Canberra and will definitely include another poo story.

Love to those who love us and a week with John Elliot for those who don’t.

Juzzy & Jane

Editors
The Kings Tribune

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