Just nipped down to Chadstone during lunchbreak to purchase birthday present for brother in law and cheering hand cream for self.

Was walking across the deceptively flat and unimpeded floor of David Jones's glassware/crockery section when tripped over very large piece of nothing and crashed into huge display table.

Table collapsed leaving self on floor, surrounded by lots and lots of broken things.

Less than a nanosecond later 3000 people had gathered, all peering over each other's shoulders and shrieking "yes, she FELL OVER and smashed ALL the GLAAAASES".

Then 15 David Jones employees appeared out of nowhere and anxiously started inspecting me for things I could sue them for. When we all realised that I wasn't injured, all 3016 of us turned to look at all the broken crystal, bone china and glass on the floor. Table was also broken and on floor in bits.

Thought of the less than $100 left in bank account and took the only approach a mature, sophisticated and professional woman of the new millennium could - I burst into tears.

3015 people stared at me in disgust and 3013 of them turned and walked off muttering about me under their breath.

Two DJ's employees gave me one final inspection to be sure that I couldn't sue them for anything and then handed me some tissues and some more disapproving looks and sent me on my way.

Entire population of Chadstone were nudging each other and whispering as I walked back to the car.

Am now back at my desk trying to put pyfuckingthagorus theorem into a spreadsheet.

And I'm doing it wrong

+ 1

+ 1