So today we have: done all the shopping, cleaned the kitchen, baked hot cross buns and apple crumble, peeled and marinated a kilo of prawns, written two articles from scratch (does it show?), reorganised the girls’ rooms again, done three loads of laundry, been outside to watch the FA18 and the Roulettes fly over, and called each other bumhead. Several times.

Yes, we’ve stopped smoking again. Please send wine, and a couple of suits of armour.

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In other happy news, Tony Abbott has been showing that he’s little more than Steve Fielding with a dozen extra IQ points and a national organization behind him, by popping up everywhere with a bizarro opinion on anything.

Where Fielding dressed up as a bottle, Abbott pulls on the speedos or the bike pants, or just looks for a chance to get his shirt off. Did anyone else notice the team of minders sitting next to him at the National press Club debate, ready to wrestle him to the ground if he looked like undoing a button? This weekend he’s taking advantage of his position by being allowed a special late entry into an Iron Man comp.

While Abbott’s budgie smugglers have provided easy fodder for lazy writers and comedians, and the “Abroll” (where someone posts a link, describing it as Brilliant New Climate Change Graph, but it’s just a photo of Abbott at the beach) is occasionally a cack, his attention-seeking and apparent “shoot from the hip” style is starting to raise a few questions.

For instance, why is it that when he gets a question out of the blue he says what he seems to really think (“threatening” homosexuals, for instance), then spends the next three days clarifying it and apologising for it. He seems to be able to tell a bunch of National-voting farmers that Global Warming is a “load of crap”, then a week later go on Lateline and tell us all that Climate Change is a massively important issue for our generation, and we must take action for our children’s sake.

The Liberal Party, having handed him the leadership (by only one vote, remember), must occasionally wonder what the hell happened to them. While it’s always been a broad church, the Liberal Party has maintained outstanding discipline on policy and public appearances over the past couple of decades; now they’ve got Tone announcing a three billion dollar welfare system (Paid Parental Leave) to the nation, when the rest of the coalition didn’t even know what it was, let alone that they apparently had a policy on it.

He seems to think, or at least his advisers seem to think, that all he has to do is criticise everything the government does, and keep himself on TV in any way possible. The giant gaping hole in this plan is shown by his performance in the Health Debate – Rudd had numbers, policy, answers, a plan and gargantuan amounts of smugness; Abbott had no policy, just vague criticism of Rudd, and eleventy hundred mentions of the fucking Insulation thing.

In any debate on any subject between any two people, it’s a sign of desperation and lack of an argument for one to point to a past error by the other and say “if you couldn’t get that right, how can we believe or trust you on this?”. Which is pretty much all that Abbott did at the Press Club.

Perhaps all this seems a bit partisan? Can we just repeat what we said in last month’s Rant, then – if Rudd can’t start doing a better job, he must go. Abbott, on the other hand, has to show a hell of a lot more ability and sanity before he can be seriously considered as the one to knock Rudd over.

Having said that, Tone is starting to achieve what we all hoped he would, to some extent: being such a big loud hairy-chested, slightly crazy and unpredictable Opposition Leader, he’s woken the government up from its “we don’t have to do anything at all while the Liberals are knifing each other” complacency, and forcing them back into gear. Goodness gracious me, we’re starting to see an attempt at governing from our government.

It seems that all they’re doing, however, is announcing more committees to examine the findings of the committees they formed two years ago to examine possibly implementing a policy or two.

And missing Barnaby Joyce, but then, how could you not?

** ** **

In other news, my new favourite thing on the internet is the guy who, in all seriousness and clearly aware that the US Government has fallen victim to the classic blunder - getting involved in a land war in Asia, sent them the world’s most helpful email.

“Dear Mr President,

Bears have scent detection that is far superior to bloodhounds! Trained bears with GPS and day/night cameras around their necks might be able to hunt down the scent of UBL (fairly sure he means Osama Bin Laden, but you never know, he could be concerned about Undulating Blue Llamas), even in and through any caves and tunnels!!! Overnight, Parachute some bears into areas UBL might be. Attempt to train bears to take off parachutes after landing, or use parachutes that self-destruct after landing.

Warm Regards,

CrazyManFromAlabama”

I think that is the most awesome idea I’ve ever heard and I’m really quite disappointed that the US government didn’t go for it...Unless they have, but they’re keeping it a secret? Yes! Covert parachuting bears! Truly truly awesome!

Love to all who love us and a lounge room full of parachuting bears for those who don’t.

J&J Shaw

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