We did the Drinking Issue in October, we covered a few drinking related topics, but not this one. Possibly out of a sense of self preservation (interesting aside, pickling is a form of preservation).

Dictionary.com defines alcoholism as “a chronic disorder characterized by dependence on alcohol, repeated excessive use of alcoholic beverages, the development of withdrawal symptoms on reducing or ceasing intake, morbidity that may include cirrhosis of the liver, and decreased ability to function socially and vocationally”.

Phew, well I think that lets me off the hook. I’ve never had any withdrawal symptoms on reducing or ceasing intake and alcohol certainly doesn't decrease my social functioning, quite the reverse actually. Awesome! That calls for celebratory champagne. And if I’m celebrating something, then it’s probably going to call for more than 2 standard glasses. Hell, a standard Monday night calls for more than 2 standard glasses. And if it’s going to be a social situation then I’m going to need a couple of drinks so I don’t fumble the conversational ball, which will lead to a standard Tuesday feeling more than a little the worse for wear.

Hmm…ok, that ticks a few other boxes in the definition. Now I’m a little uncomfortable.

So, a few quick questionnaires at sites like the Alcoholics Anonymous site should sort me out. They want to know how much I drank in the last week:

Monday: Usual trip to the King, but I was tired and we didn’t stay late. 3 glasses of champagne

Tuesday: Soda water and green tea *virtuous smile*

Wednesday: Hot day. 2 pints of Magners, but it was a VERY hot day, so that doesn’t really count.

Thursday: Was going to have a quiet one, but got summoned to the King for editorial meeting, so…. Another 3 glasses of champagne.

Friday: Cousin dropped in for end of week wrap up. 3 pints of Magners.

Saturday: Phillip Island for the weekend with friends. 2 pints of Magners and 1 glass of red.

Ok, so that’s not too bad. There were no huge nights last week, but it’s still more than the recommended 2 standard drinks and it wasn’t every day *points virtuously at Tuesday night*.

It’s also worth pointing out that I was at the gym twice for a 5 km run and did a 20 km round trip ride to work during that week *more virtuous smiles* so it’s not really a hideously unhealthy lifestyle.

However, virtuous gym trips aside, I drank enough last week to have the AA type websites concerned. Now they want to know other things about my drinking habits:

How often during the last year have you found that you were not able to stop drinking once you had started?
Umm, not really a fair question.

How often during the last year have you needed a first drink in the morning to get yourself going after a heavy drinking session?

Ha! Never! Am completely fine non-alcoholic person!

How often during the last year have you had a feeling of guilt or remorse after drinking?
Is that the same as the horrors? Because that would be every time, but if they mean guilty about drinking, then no, hardly at all.

How often during the last year have you been unable to remember what happened the night before because you had been drinking?
I can’t remember.

Do you ever drink heavily when you are disappointed, under pressure or have had a quarrel with someone?
Ok, yep. Got me on that one.

Do you ever feel depressed or anxious before, during or after periods of heavy drinking?
Not during certainly. I’m always a cheerful drunk.

Have you ever been unable to remember part of the previous evening, even though your friends say you didn't pass out?
Bugger. Another one of those questions I don’t really want to think about.

How often are you hung over after drinking?
Is that a trick question?

Have your drinking habits ever threatened your relationships, work, financial situation etc.?
Don’t think so. Do the occasional weeks where I think that we would have got a lot more done if we hadn’t been at the King so much count? *sigh* S’pose so.

Are you unable to stop drinking alcohol after a certain number of drinks?
Unable to? Or just disinclined to go home?

Do you think you are a normal drinker despite your friends' comments that you drink too much alcohol?
Most of my friends drink far more than I do, so they can go fuck ‘emselves with their bullshit comments.

How often do you have six or more units on one occasion?
Apparently there are two units in a single glass of wine, so I guess the answer to that would be… a lot.

Have you or somebody else been injured as a result of your drinking?
Well, there was that time that I swung my magners bottle around and chipped Justin’s tooth (which we will be allowed to forget in anther 30 years or so) but that had nothing to do with being drunk and everything to do with me being a total klutz. Other than that, no. Yay!

And the questions go on and on and on…the picture is pretty clear. I’m not a real alcoholic, but I drink more than is really healthy. Which I started to worry about until my very clear sighted brother-in-law asked “What's so 'good' about 'healthy' anyway?”

Couldn’t agree more.

Cheers!

+ 1

+ 1