We all know the salutary tale about the boy who cried wolf: his repeated but baseless entreaties became so familiar to the townsfolk that they ultimately ignored his cries for help when he actually needed it.

The fable’s lesson is a simple one — if you make a habit of crying victim for no reason, people grow desensitised to your alarms and will eventually become deaf to your calls for help.

This lesson seems to be lost on some young women today: they’re quick to label any ridicule or criticism of women as sexist. But is this really misogyny? Is sexism really rife in today’s public discourse or are these women simply crying wolf?

Most people, regardless of gender, search for the reasons that underlie their disappointments and failures. We wonder whether it’s because we’re too fat, thin, young, old, plain, attractive, disciplined, spontaneous, reserved or exuberant. Did we not put enough effort into something, or did we obsess and overdo it? Did we misread a room, a person, a set of instructions? Or read too much into it?

Whatever the true reason, we latch on to the one that best fits our world-view. Our partner may have left because we’re needy, possessive and jealous, but if we’re obsessed with our weight we may think it was because we’re fat. We might not have got a coveted job because we’re inexperienced or have the wrong skills, but if we consider sexism to be rampant we may think misogyny was the cause.

We see only what reinforces our prejudices and are blind to that which does not.

And so it seems to be with young women today, particularly those who are keen to take up the feminist mantle. Whatever the slight, if it’s directed at a woman then it’s called sexism. If a derogatory term has a female gender, then the person who uses it is called sexist.

Apparently the most prominent manifestation of today’s sexism is the abuse flung at the Prime Minister. While the words of protest and criticism levelled at Julia Gillard are disrespectful and even abhorrent, they’re not the first to be used against an unpopular Prime Minister. In the battle of words and thoughts that is politics, people often throw the first epithet that comes to hand. The fact that some of this abuse is gender-based doesn’t make it sexism.

While a woman might be called a bitch, a man could be called a prick. Either could be called a fuckwit. The gender of a word does not invest it with any more hate than another. In fact, some female terms of abuse can apply equally to men or women. Either an elderly man or woman crossing the road in front of an impatient hoon might be called a “silly old cunt”. Anyone who lavishly courts the press could be called a “media whore”. “Bitch” and “bastard” are usually gender specific, but they carry about the same level of insult. Equally, “male” words can be just as readily applied to women. Dickheads and arseholes are not exclusively men.

Criticism of women does not constitute sexism. And the young women who continue to make this claim run the risk of trivialising the feminist cause, and ultimately desensitising the community to the need for action in the remaining areas of genuine sexism.

Undoubtedly, the feminist movement in past decades has achieved much, at least in the developed world. Women now have the vote, equal access to education and employment, and better support in the health and legal systems. But there is still more to be done, even to achieve wage parity. Abortion is still illegal in many Australian states; the overwhelmingly female victims of domestic and sexual violence are still not fully recognised or protected.

If young women really want to progress the feminist cause, they should stop crying sexist at every slight and case of bad language, and focus instead on the real inequalities that still exist. This may not sit comfortably with the women of Gen Y, a cohort of young people singularly distinguished by their sense of entitlement.

For example, while most young women are now entitled to hard-won maternal rights in the workplace, the same flexible working hours and paternity leave are not widely available to men. Only once it becomes a widely acceptable practice for men to share the domestic workload, and take leave from their careers to help raise the family, will the proportion of women increase in the boardrooms and corner offices of the corporate world. Only then will equal opportunity and remuneration become attainable.

Perhaps it’s the Gen Y woman’s particular sense of entitlement that is affronted by the lack of respect shown to some women today. Sadly, respect is not automatically vested in any person, characteristic or institution any more. Our society has become so cynical about ethics and morals, so distrustful of politics and business, so wary of others’ motives and agendas that respect is not freely given and real respect, as always, can only be earned.

But the situation is far from irretrievable. Young feminists could curtail the disrespectful language levelled at women if they wanted to. All they’d need to do is stop being a victim, stop crying sexist, and start showing more respect to themselves, their peers and the people who educate and employ them.

One of the best ways to earn respect is to show it. People tend not to harass or abuse those they respect. In treating others with respect, young feminists will encourage the same behaviour in others. In showing and defending their own self-respect, they will in turn be respected.

There’s no denying that inequality and, yes even sexism still pervade women’s lives. This will remain unchanged if young women focus on the language and behaviour that offends them, rather than initiating reforms similar in magnitude to those wrought by feminists in the past.

The young women who cry “sexist” need to start behaving like the feminists they claim to be. By dismantling entrenched barriers to equality, and promoting respect, they can build on the progress made by the courageous women who preceded them. By focussing on serious issues instead of slights, they can show the wider community that they’re not crying wolf. And by genuinely taking on the feminist mantle to wreak real change, they can set an inspiring example for those who will follow.

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