The pooter, the lappie, the life-support system for a virgin, the porn portal, the star trek rejuvinator, the wanker’s handbag, the nerd-box. Do the nicknames give some clue of how we all feel about our computers?

But (yes, I know, starting sentences with a ‘but’ is bad, I don't care, go away) it’s not just computers is it? Technology is all around you, you can’t avoid it, and truthfully, you wouldn’t if you could. On your desk, on your lap, in your pocket, hanging on the wall, sitting in the corner, technology is a huge part of your life.

This issue we’ve tried to have a bit of a look at the real effects of it, both positive and negative - all that time you spend on Facebook, for instance, what did you do with it before? Can you remember? Was it better, or more productive? Is there much home bread-baking or macramé that’s suddenly left undone, thanks to the computer? And we’ve saved ourselves the trouble of walking all the way to the video library and lugging that clunky old disc all the way home, haven’t we? We’ve overcome that appalling inconvenience by negotiating all the porn, junk, spam and popups on Surf the Channel or the torrent sites, just so we can spend eight hours downloading our favourite movies and TV shows, then watch them on a two inch screen on the train with some git dribbling over our shoulder and the background noise of three different dozy schlappers shouting into their Nokias.

A benefit, surely…?

As we bleat about spending time with our children, do we actually mean it, given that all we do is interrupt their quality time with youtube, or their DS, or some weird Japanese cartoon?

These days, we carry around in our pockets the 1970s equivalent of four acres of Solid State chips and six thousand dorks in polyester shirts who sent a man to the moon. And what do we use it for? Lolcats, fart noises, and “Get some milk on the way home” phone calls.

There are good things about digital technology, of course. As a f’rinstance, Justin now carries around, and can watch, whenever he’s feeling blue, a twenty-second video of star-jumping Iraqi army recruits. Nobody’s really sure why this makes him happy, but his workmates are glad that he’s watching it and roaring with laughter, not roaming around the office breaking things.

So, thanks, of course, to all our contributors, including the newbies (yes, you know who you are, stand over there and hand over your lunch money).

Luke was typically selfish and unable to come up with a dedicated article for us again this month, what with getting married and going to China to celebrate the Glorious Forward Movement of The People’s Righteous Honeymoon, so we lifted part of his blog as an article. We think it works, maybe we’ll send him to China a couple of times a year….

Onto a few important things, then. Firstly, in the interests of justifying sick days and sending the kids to their grandparents’ every chance we get, we’ve embarked upon more regular updates of the website.

Every few days, we’ll be Shouting About Something, in the Daily Shout (which is appropriate, we feel, it being a shouting thing).

Justin has shown a hitherto unseen respect for deadlines by putting up a weekly AFL preview every Wednesday. Or sometimes Thursday. Before the weekend, definitely.

We cannot stress enough, these tips come from JUSTIN, so do not bet money on them!!

Keep checking the website, and forward stuff around to all your friend and paid associates - the more views we get, the more cred we have, and the more chance Stephen Mayne will buy us out, or we can get on the TV news when the AFL slap an injunction on us for using the words “Demetriou” and “Spank” in the same sentence.

Next month we’re concentrating on a topic close to all our hearts, livers, and pockets - DRINKING. Do any of you need encouragement to come up with something topical?

Thought not. Me neither. Looking forward to it in fact.

Love, hugs and drinks to all,

Jane & Justin

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