How Not to Scare People - Even If You’re Gay
Anyone who knows me knows I have always been a friend to the gay community. I regularly watch Glee, and once I listened to a Lady Gaga song. I even know someone who’s met a gay. I think. He may have said “Gary”. Not sure. Not important. Point is, I love gay people in my own way, and I have only their best interests at heart.
Recently I have heard a lot about gay people and their desire to get married. Which I thought was a really positive development, until I realised they meant they wanted to marry each other. This, frankly, worried me. I’m all for gay fellows settling down with a nice girl, but settling down with a nice boy seems to me to be, to say the least, outré. It’s not normal, is what I’m saying. My parents, for example, have been married for forty years and at no point in that time has either of them even considered being the same sex as each other. The very idea would, no doubt, shock them to their core. And if it’s good enough for my parents, why isn’t it good enough for gay folks? Would they rather my father have married a man? How absurd. Moreover, as a married man myself, I am now rather worried that if gay marriage is instituted, I may lose my own wife, since I could hardly blame her if she decided to look for greener pastures – if women could marry other women, why would any of them marry a man? I would never marry a man in a million years; it would be unfair of me to expect my wife to do any different. That’s why I rely on the law to deny her the Sapphic pleasures I wouldn’t have the heart to.
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