although it’s ok to hate the ones on channel 10, all right thinking persons should do so.

I was listening to one of the last editions of The Religion Report on Radio National the other day on my way to work (see the November Issue for my outraged rant about the axing of this program).

This particular program was discussing the concept of Love Thy Neighbour, which is the summation of Christianity. For those of you who thought Christianity was all about casting homosexuals to the burning hellfire and getting all horrified about fellatio, I refer you to Matthew 22:36 – 40.

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

I’m a committed atheist, so the first one doesn’t really mean that much to me, but the second one caught my interest, mainly because the tossers in the flat next door to us had been shrieking and squealing at each other until 3 in the morning and I was tired and cranky and hating my neighbours quite a lot.

So I emailed my friend (known to readers of the Tribune as Miranda V, author of the brilliant How I Met Your Maker article) to ask her about this concept.

My understanding of the theology is not particularly deep, but I know that the English bible was translated from Ancient Greek, which used several different words for love, all with very different meanings (refer notes below).

I assumed that when Jesus talked about loving your neighbour he was not referring to key parties, but I was curious as to the more detailed meaning.

Miranda explained it to me thusly:

“His original intent was peace love and mung-beans to all.

The whole idea was to treat others the way you would like to be treated - no cheating or lying or stealing or gossiping or nastiness or charging of exorbitant interest rates or ignoring the pain and suffering of others; no making people eat brussels sprouts or cabbage (unless they actually like brussels sprouts and cabbage); no putting of bamboo under people's fingernails; try not to use each others toothbrushes for unsavoury pursuits; don't pick your nose and wipe it on the person next to you; try to shower at least once every couple of days; no over-powering cologne to be used in small spaces; try and be nice to your mother or, if you can't, be nice to someone ELSE'S mother; don't make fun of other kids - especially the ones who are butt-ugly; no shaving off of people's eyebrows while they sleep or freezing their underwear and then smashing it; no chain letters or virus emails; no spamming people or dumping dead animals in the charity bins.....you get the idea...

The Good Samaritan is the clearest demonstration of the concept. Samaritans were despised by a lot of other cultural groups; but when a Hebrew man was mugged and left for dead on the side of the road, all the "good people" turned a blind eye and left him to his fate... they were too busy or didn't want to get involved... The Samaritan took care of the man and paid his expenses until he was well.

Often, help comes from the least-expected quarters. People who genuinely love and care for others are doing what Jesus meant. Mind you, we are also meant to love our enemies - who are also our neighbours.

It's not about the elite or the pretty or the clean or the nice - it's about caring for everyone, whether they appear to deserve it or not.”

Interesting concept, and I think she described it with love and depth.

I certainly don’t believe that you need to be a Christian to be able to avoid wiping your boogers on your neighbours, and I am not in the least suggesting that all Christians hold to this ideal, but wouldn’t it be nice if the we could all love our neighbours a little bit more and not shriek into mobile phones at 3am when it’s a hot night and the rest of us are trying to sleep with our windows open?

Or maybe do a little less blowing each other’s shit up and a little more healing each other’s wounds and handing around of free chocolate biscuits in Gaza and Africa.

Oh shit, am I becoming an idealist in my old age? Better go read The Age and find someone to hate right away!

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Ancient Greek words for Love

Eros: See key party

Phileo: Brotherly love, for friends and companions, it has no sexual or spiritual aspect

Agapao: God’s perfect love, implying a command or duty. Loving the way that God loves is about an unshakable commitment that is higher and deeper than a feeling.

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