Cosmopolitan’s Sexiest Men rankings are out, and most of the top twenty are over 30. Johnny Depp took the chocolates, and he’s 43. George Clooney, in his 50s, is up there of course, as is Brad Pitt (44), and Daniel Craig (40).

Many readers were disgusted, by the way, that the wrong Justin (some little snapper-head called Timberlake) had bribed the publishers into putting his name on the list – Eds.

If the male equivalent of Cosmo ran a Sexiest Women poll, how many women over 30 would make it? Kylie would be there, for sure, and Elle, and Angelina, but let’s face it, they’re freaks of nature and they don’t actually look their age. Helen Mirren might also get a nod, because she really is a freak and it might placate those journalists out the wanting to rant about the generally unfair ageism of everything. The rest of the list would be full of 22 year old starlets who’ve already started injecting shit into their face and getting all their cover shots photoshopped to fuck.

What does this say about men and women? Do men actually get better as they get older, whereas women don’t? Or are women just more discerning?

Welcome to the Gender Issue, fans, and celebrate with us the natural beauty of the male/female dichotomy. As usual, we’ve got plenty of piss-taking, but, despite ourselves, we’ve thrown in a bit of serious make-you-think-a-bit type stuff. Think or not, you’re free to choose.

What you can’t choose is your chromosomes. You’ve either got two Xs or an X and a Y, and there endeth the lesson. Or here, in the pages of Elwood’s most-loved, free, home-printed, hand-distributed newspaper, beginneth the lesson. If you will.

Cheers to our regulars for their contributions of prose, poetry and pictures; and thanks to Brad for his slightly surreal first effort at putting fingers (one at a time) to keyboard.

Sunday Relish is back, with an antidote review and a fresh new recipe. Now she eagerly awaits your culinary dilemmas.

Our hand-reared, free-range, tame German has got all stream-of-consciousness in a study of gender through the ages, while Luke T takes us back to the nuts and bolt of bloke behaviour.

There’s a fair bit of advice on how to deal with the opposite sex, and that’s bound to make life easier for you all, because a couple of hundred thousand years of walking upright and we still haven’t worked it out, but never fear, the Tribune’s here, and all your problems are solved.

Welcome and Huzzah to Alex Hallett, may her cartoons grace our pages for many many ishes to come, and Mendoza the Mysterious again howls his raucous yawp.

True Love comes in the form of a fractured fairytale, thanks M.

Facebook adventures, searches for home help, and the joy of moving in together, it’s all here along with a lot of the usual ranting, shouting, brilliantly insightful opinions and general reportage.

Feel the love, people, keep it real. Support your local (and only) Tribune. Give it to your friends and workmates, link our website, spruik our wares! Write for us, draw for us, advertise with us, tear down the printing presses of our competition, burn their villages, slaughter their livestock, behead their slaves, plunder and pillage their riches, and just generally bring about great wailing and gnashing of teeth in our name!

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