My adopted Australian family and many friends can attest to the fact that I have a very well developed sense of – not only am I hilarious, I also am charmingly so, because I don’t brag about it (obviously).

I am also an expert in most matters satirical, absurd and mildly perverse. I am excellent at taking the piss out of myself, which the column I have written for this very paper can attest to. And one thing that I love about Australia is that people here are so excellent at laughing at themselves – it reminds me of my grandma, who managed to laugh at herself even when she had Alzheimer’s and it kinda wasn’t funny anymore.

Ever since I left the motherland to abscond to England and then to Australia (8 years ago now), I have been told German jokes, most of which I, of course, was the butt (literally and figuratively). That is 2920 German jokes, one for each day.

I’ve heard them all; from kitchen-nazi to red-tape-bitch to sausage-muncher, and of course there have been hints at my sex life as a rampant dominatrix, and, ok, I do like my boyfriend to lick the kitchen floor, but that’s because I have obsessive-compulsive disorder, not because of where I was born.

When I frown I’m a grumpy German – when I comment on politics I’m an arrogant know-it-all. I am greeted with Heil this and Heil that, and of course it’s extremely innovative and hilarious to shout Gesundheit and do the Hitler salute. It’s HILARIOUS. Most of these jokes are of course repeat performances, and as much as I usually push myself to smile at the daily dose of nazifun, I struggle to smile, let alone laugh at them these days because, lawd, I’ve heard them all before. It’s been SO LONG. When will it stop? But I’m sorry, you’re right, the problem is I HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOUR.

I guess Germans are an easy target, and the people who make the more offensive of these jokes usually lack a deep and profound understanding of the horrors that took place in my home country during the war and don’t have any immediate family members who either committed unspeakable crimes or were the victims of such. I think it takes a passionate understanding that involves having-been-there and having-been-exposed-to-it to show you the boundaries of what’s funny, and what’s merely uneducated stupidity.

But that aside, I am really struggling to laugh these days – it’s just getting so old. If you want to make fun of me, you’re totally welcome. Here’s things to make fun of: I am a neat freak. I have a crooked nose. I am a lightweight, and I can’t count. I like to crochet. I fall over a lot. That’s enough fodder - I encourage you to get creative.

All time favourites – the best German funsies revealed.

Man in office: ‘Haha – with your brown boots and your green backpack, all that’s missing is the lederhosen and you’d look like a proper German!’

Me: pained smile ‘Actually Lederhosen are only worn in the South of Germany, in precisely one state, called Bavaria. That’s where I’m from, coincidentally. People from the North of Germany would get very upset if you told them proper Germans wore Lederhosen. And I apologise for my backpack – I have a crooked spine’

Man in office: ‘You totally have no sense of humour because you’re so German.’

Me: ‘No. I don’t.’ moonwalks out of the office

Office-girl: ‘Your boots are like the most German boots I’ve ever seen. They’re, like, SS boots.’ laughs madly at her originality and hilariousness

Me: ‘I bought them in Chadstone. I had no idea they made SS boots in Chadstone. Also, I think all SS jokes are incredibly un-hilarious, particularly considering the SS cut off my uncle’s ear back in their heyday and had a crack at throwing my grandmother and her family in a concentration camp in 1945.’

Office-girl: ‘You totally don’t have, like, a sense of humour’.

Random acquaintance: ‘Germans are so WEIRD. All they eat, is like, sausages’.

Me: ‘Weird indeed. Now what’s your primary food source, woman of the land who has a store called Barbecues Galore?’

Random acquaintance: ‘Man. Germans don’t have a sense of humour’.

Me: *sneeze*

Whole office in unison for the five hundredth time that day: ‘GESUNDHEIT!’ all fall off chairs laughing

Me: ‘How original!’

Whole office shouts in unison: ‘You don’t have a sense of humour!’

Me to Australian Friend: ‘Killed any Aboriginals today? Hahaha!’

Friend: ‘That’s disgusting. You’re so insulting.’

Me: ‘Wow. You totally don’t have a sense of humour.’

+ 1

+ 1