While this is all very nice, it’s not always terribly convenient if you need some time to recover from an overly convivial evening.
Some Tuesdays we may be a little tired but vastly cheered after a calm and romantic evening alone.
Other Tuesdays are not so good…
Diary of a Tuesday:
1:25 am - Arrive home after splendid night of fun and frivolity at King of Tonga.
1:30 am - Lie in bed watching the ceiling spinning gently above head.
1:32 am - Realise that will have to get self new alarm clock as current one has blurry numbers that are v difficult to read.
6.45 am - Rude awakening to loud shouty noises right next to ear.
6:46 am - Smack husband repeatedly on head.
6:47 am - Realise that shouty noise is not husband at all, but is, in fact, blurry alarm clock. Smack blurry alarm clock repeatedly until shouty noises stop. Go back to sleep.
6:56 am - Rude awakening to loud shouty noises right next to ear. Raise hand to start smacking husband in head. Shouty noises increase as husband remonstrates with self.
6:57 am – Attempt to smack blurry alarm clock and instead smack yesterday’s half drunk cup of coffee. Coffee cup flings itself at pile of clothes on floor. Shouty noises continue unabated as husband and alarm clock both shout at self. Attempts to hide from noise under doona only lead to increased shouty noises from husband. Take deep breath to orient self, pick up blurry alarm clock and throw into hallway.
6:58 am – Silence reigns.
6:59 am - Husband pokes self in back and mutters about being late for work. Seethe with rage against husband for a bit, then drag self out of bed.
7:00 am - Stumble to loo. Make mental note that must speak to landlord about appalling slant that has suddenly developed in floor of house.
7:05 am - Walk carefully into kitchen, drop 2 Berocca and 4 asprin into large glass of water. Stand with eyes closed as sound of Berocca and asprin fizzing ricochets through head. Pick up glass without opening eyes and take large mouthful of child’s drink of milk from yesterday morning.
7:06 am - Spit large mouthful of old milk all over kitchen.
7.07 am - Force eyes open, locate Berocca/asprin drink and down it in a single gulp, then stumble to bathroom
7:10 am - Turn on shower taps, climb in and sit on floor of shower.
7:12 am - Remove pyjamas and return to shower.
7:14 am - Climb out of shower. Dry self (mostly) and dress in mismatched assortment of clothes from front of wardrobe.
8.30 am - Arrive at work clutching head, extra large coffee, medicinal BBQ Shapes, extra large bottle of water and emergency packet of asprin from glove box of car.
8:31 am to 3:00 pm - Sit with head on desk, respond only in grunts to colleagues’ queries/phone calls from clients/shouty noises from boss.
3:15 pm - Raise head from desk and go to collect beloved offspring from school. Combination of bribes & threats ensure beloved offspring leave self alone to lie on couch and wait for husband to come home and cook dinner.
5.45 pm - Husband arrives home and immediately lies on couch next to self.
6.20 pm - Beloved offspring start complaining about absence of dinner and refuse to accept that husband and self are just figments of their imagination.
6.40 pm - Husband and self stumble into kitchen and re-heat spaghetti bolognaise from Sunday lunch.
7.00 pm - Sit with face on table as beloved offspring gobble up dinner and fight about who is chewing the loudest.
7.20 pm - Ignore loud protests from beloved offspring and send them all to bed
7:30 pm - Husband and self make solemn promises to each other about not staying so late or indulging in so much conviviality on Monday nights any more.
8:30 pm - Collect blurry alarm clock from hallway and fall into bed.
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