Given that the Tribune was born in a bar, you’d think we would’ve dedicated an issue to drinking before now. Ah well, it only took us a year. Yep, that’s right, a whole year we’ve been entertaining and informing the bayside burbs now.

A great big boozy Thank You to our contributors, as usual, and it was great to have so many turn up for the Tribune’s birthday drinks the other night. Lots of fun meeting those with whom we only communicate over the ether, and one of the highlights for us was Brad bringing along his collection of the earliest issues of the Tribune, when it was only distributed out of the King of Tonga. If anyone out there has a copy of our first ever effort, the one-page King’s Decree that we produced sometime back in 2007, please let us know. We may autograph it for you!

So, Drinking. Judging by the stories told by our various writers, we are not alone in having had plenty of experiences good, bad, and humiliating while drinking. Most of the usual suspects have again put their hands up and done us proud, and your editors have taken a trip down memory lane to compare what we did when we were young to what the young are doing now, drinking-wise. Special mention again to our youngest contributor, 12 year old Luke BdB, who gave us his take on the Drinking Issue.

So, on to Next Month, and the greatest challenge ever to face this fine organ. You may recall that there was no July issue last year, due to July being named for Julius Caesar, who we all know was a right bastard dictator.

This year there will be a July issue, and the topic is:

Bring Back Jeff.

Yes, that’s right, the big man in the big pants, the sand-thrower, the school-seller, the Casino-opener, the debt-reducer, Jeffrey Kennett is our subject for the next Ish. Now we can hear you screaming and throwing your Tribunes across the room already, but bear with us.

July will not just be about Jeff the man, and it will not just be an opportunity for everyone to shout about Connex, Crown and Citylink; we are attempting half-way serious journalism here. The aim is to have a discussion on State politics, and politics in general – why do guys like Peter Garrett enter Parliament full of belief and turn into spun-beyond-recognition parroters of this week’s Message? Is privatisation an economic or an ideological decision, is there a “grass roots” party organisation anymore, are Ministers selected on suitability for the portfolio, or factional power?

Please take up the challenge we’re putting to you, and give us your thoughts on any of the above, or anything else that’s got you thinking. St Kilda Triangle, perhaps, or the new powers handed to the Planning Minister, Justin Madden, or the state of public transport or hospitals. Anger is acceptable, as long as it’s rational and well-written.

Now, on to our challenge: we want to interview Jeff. Yes, that’s right, we want to sit in a room with him and ask him questions and record his answers. And we’re going to give him an unedited Right Of Reply the following month, should he so wish.

Currently we’re working on a list of questions for his approval, and the editorial meetings are fuuuuun, you mark our words!

All Jane’s questions are along the lines of “Gee, Jeffrey, you’re so great, what’s it like being so great, was it hard being the greatest Premier ever to be great and stuff?”, while Justin’s going with “aaargcitylinkshitfuckpokiesconnexaaarg” and spitting everywhere.

Once we reach some kind of balance and put together some coherent questions, we’re going to do everything we can to get him to the table. Now we are open to suggestions for what to ask him, but please try and be sensible, no matter how passionate you feel. He won’t, and shouldn’t, respond to questions like “How would you like me to come over there and glass you, you fucking prick?” We’re not interested in his personal life, but we are interested in his recollections of his time as Premier and his observations of government in 2009, both State and Federal.

Watch our website for updates on our Jeff-hunting, but please remember we remain the Tribune, and we take very little seriously, we are hoping to get at least one good poo story for July as well.

Love to those who love us.

J & J Shaw

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