I’m writing here to prove to you just how much fun you can have without alcohol.

First up: Coke

It was a sunny Friday lunch-time, I’m all the way in Torquay without my parents, at my last day of my school camp, “borrowing” Coke cans for the 2-hour trip back home. So far, my mates and I have filled up our bags with 6 Coke cans for social enjoyment. I’m pretty much addicted to coke so I can’t help myself. I sneak over to the eski for 1 more, or 2, or maybe 3.

I grab a handful of Coke cans and run around the back of our giant 27 seater dining table, I open my bag; I put it on the table, and just start tiptoeing back when “MR LEETHAM, LUKE BDB HAS LOTS OF COKE CANS IN HIS HAND, EVEN CHECK HIS PACK HE PROBABLY HAS MORE!!!! AND LOOK, ZEN AND MARCUS HAVE SOME TOO!!!!!!!!!!” Aw crud. Class Dobber just ratted me out. 21 solid profits (Coke cans) have just been lost.

Mr. L: “OK Luke, you and your friends better put those cans to good use, or put them all back in the eski!”

“Fine” I say, about to empty the contents of my bag into the eski…. “Hold on a sec, did our teacher just say put them to good use?” I ask my friends, “Yeah, he said something about moose” they said. “AWESOME” I shout. Unfortunately I can’t drink 9 cans of coke in 20 minutes, but I can still have fun with them. We head to the park, picking up 4 more thrill-seekers on the way. We drink 12 of our 23 cans, thinking of a way to “put them to good use”. Then it hits me. I shake up my 3rd last can so much it can hear it pressing on the lid, ready to explode. “CAN FIGHT”!!!! I shout. And throw my can right into Zen’s chest. PROOOOOFFFFFFFLLLLLAAAAATTTTTTTT the can exploded right into Zen’s chest. The mere sound of it alerted every teacher at our camp. Marcus shouts “SPEWIE”!!!!!!!

And blasts me with 400ml of Diet Coke. PLLLLLLLFSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I thought my exploding can was loud, I must have really sensitive hearing. By the time I am thinking about this, the can is only half empty. It’s what I call a situation to remember.

So let this be a lesson to us all, we can always have lots of fun without getting drunk.

Second: Sprite,

“Ohhhh come on Dad!!!” I whine, “please let me have at least a sip of sprite!” “No son, if you can prove to me that you will not bounce off the walls after drinking apple juice, maybe you can have some” Dad says. “But it’s not my fault I went really hypo last time, I thought it was salt I was tipping into it”! I complain “Uh-huh I’m sure”, says Dad. “Anyway I’m going out to get rice for our dinner and I don’t want you drinking ANY Sprite.”

“Aw” I moan as Dad is leaving, Dad doesn’t let me have any fun. But hold on, I have an idea, What if I replace the Sprite label on the bottle, with a Mount Franklin label? “Ingenious”! I say and I carefully peel the label off Mount Franklin and stick it on the Sprite label. Dad won’t know the difference! I open the bottle and chug it down as fast as I can…. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” I say.

I feel the sprite bubbling inside me. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”

I shout. RUNRUNRUN STOP RUN JUMP BOUNCE LIE DOWN DANCE JUMP RUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN. BREAK TV PLAY LOUD MUSIC DANCE MORE JUMP! Okokokokokokok.

Now I’m tired, I look around the room. Broken TV, smashed light-bulbs and an empty Sprite bottle.

Dad is going to kill me.

Sometimes, when you drink, things go terribly terribly wrong.

[Luke is 12 years old and this is his first published work. We're pretty sure it won't be his last - Eds]

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