Ok, I know I’m a little late coming to the WTF party on this, but let’s overlook that and just embrace the fact that I’m almost 40 and I still bothered to get out of my cardigans and turn up at all.

I’ve seen various WTF tweets about this kid, but never got interested enough to find out who he was, then, this morning, I was at the gym watching the soft porn music video show and trying not to think about how unfit I am.

Fortunately for the gym dude sleeping at the counter I was distracted from my imminent cardiac arrest by this

Ok, so he’s not the first prepubescent we’ve had upsetting our digestive systems (Nikki Webster anyone?) but, well, ewwww!

I’m quite prepared to accept that this reaction is because I am old and not at all hip to the Groovy Young Things, but Bieber is a little boy, not in a I’m-old-so-I-hate-young-folk-because-they-remind-me-how-very-very-old-I-am way, but he was 13 years old when he (allegedly) wrote this song:

For you, I would have done whatever
And I just can't believe, we ain't together
And I wanna play it cool,
But I'm losin' you I'll buy you anything,
I'll buy you any ring
And I’m in pieces,
Baby fix me
And just shake me til' you wake me from this bad dream

Like baby, baby, baby noo
Like baby, baby, baby ohhh
I thought you’d always be mine, mine

Again, I say, WTF??

All the 13 year old boys I know think that “always” refers to the number of times they have to unstack the dishwasher in comparison to the number of times their sister has to do it. The idea of calling a girl “baby” would have them disappearing under their beds in horror (or it would if they could fit between all the shoes and items of school uniforms they “lost on the tram”).

Why is this kid not arguing with someone about having to do his maths homework instead of recording love songs and filming dance routines with tweenie lapdancers?

Ludacris does a little feature in the song, which is clearly just encouraging an exciting new young artist and not at all a try-hard-wannabe attempting to break into the lucrative tween market, so that’s all very sweet and commendable, but the whole thing was just icky.

Unless I’m just getting curmudgeonly far too early in the day? Nah…that’s can’t be right…

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