Depending on which side of the fence you sit, it’s been a tough few months for those poor folk pushing the theory of climate change and global warming. First up some pesky hackers broke into the mail server of the University of East Anglia in Britain, stole some rather embarrassing emails and posted them everywhere for the world to see. (Before you all start groaning softly to yourselves, silently wondering when Andrew Bolt starting writing for the Tribune, I would like to say that I am not a climate change sceptic, but trying to pretend that these colossal cock-ups didn’t occur only discredits climate change protagonists, we need to recognise it, address it and move on to the overwhelming evidence that climate change is occurring, and while the reasons for it are incredibly complex, human activities play a significant part.)

Anyway, if you want to read the content of the emails google ‘University of East Anglia’ and then step back and watch the results roll in.

Essentially the emails showed that the people in charge of East Anglia’s climate change research were only just stopping short of doctoring research results and engaging in a campaign to rid the UN’s International Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) of anyone who was sceptical of their theories on global warming. Big deal you might say, one little University department pushing their own agenda. Well, it is a big deal, as it turns out the University of East Anglia is one of the major contributors to the IPCC’s research.

Secondly, the latest report by the IPCC contained a report on melting glaciers in the Himalayan Mountains. The report sourced the information from an article originally published in a World Wildlife Fund magazine, which in turn got it from a smaller Indian publication. The crux of the article was that the glaciers would be completely melted by 2035 which would mean a dire water shortage in that region of the world.

It now turns out that the original publication was not scientifically tested in any way and that the Himalayan glaciers are just fine. There are now calls for the Chairman of the IPCC, Rajendra Pachauri, to stand down so that faith can once again be built up in the IPCC’s research and processes.

As I said, I am not a climate change sceptic. There is no doubt that climate change is occurring, as it always has. The evidence is there that, even without man’s assistance, climate change has occurred in the past many times. After all, the dinosaurs died out after a massive climate change in all likelihood triggered by a massive meteor strike. There is also evidence that a climate shift occurred after a meteor strike in Tunguska, Siberia - a mini ice age the result.

There is also no doubt that global warming is occurring, with the last decade being significantly warmer than the decade before, and that decade significantly warmer than the one before that; and it strikes me as strange that despite available evidence, there are still people who say that it’s a myth.

The great paradox here is that, as much as I hate to say it, Roland Emmerich’s stupid movie (not the latest one with the doomsday theory, the other one when New York flooded) wasn’t far from the truth. Global warming can create cooler weather. Even though the Himalayan glaciers might be okay, I am still really concerned about the massive chunks of Antarctic ice that keep making a bid for freedom. As the atmosphere warms, ice starts to melt and drop into the ocean, which cools down currents, greatly affecting the weather up top.

The other thing that stupid Emmerich movie was right about is that much of earth relies on ocean currents for its climate. Now before you all accuse me of researching this piece by watching disaster movies, I want you to know that a lot of my research came from Discovery Channel, but most of it came from just generally reading shit.

Before I go on can I just say one thing? I hate the phrase “Save The Planet”. The planet will be just fine no matter what the hell we do to it. What this phrase really means is “Save the Humans and the Other Surface Dwellers”. It might take a little while but even if we manage to make this planet uninhabitable for humans, something else will come along and take the top spot, probably an evolution of cockroach. The planet didn’t split in half after the dinosaurs died out.

There are many factors that may be contributing to climate change and, interestingly, one of these may be continental drift. Australia is unique in the world in that it has a tectonic plate all to itself. For the last however many years, millions and millions at least, Australia has been floating away to the north at a rate of about 1 centimetre a year. Basic mathematics show that in the last ten years we have moved north by 10 cm, maybe not enough to impact massively on climate change, but surely enough to confuse some fish and maybe upset some ocean currents.

The big question here is not whether or not climate change is occurring, it’s whether it’s occurring too quickly and what humans are doing to contribute to it.

Of course we are contributing to climate change in some way. After all we are living on the planet, exhaling our CO2 and farting out methane gas from the other end, and just by doing that we are inevitably changing something. But we are doing more than just breathing and farting. Every week we fell more and more of the South American rainforest so that we can graze our cattle. Trees are not only quite possibly the best form of carbon storage but that particular rainforest provides Earth with one third of its oxygen. If we continue at this rate the cockroaches will be starting to pick drapes and call interior decorators. The carbon dioxide has got to go somewhere and it normally perches itself up in the atmosphere where it, like a mythical Siren, attracts the sun’s warmth while never letting it leave.

Humans have got to start living a little more responsibly. Take a look back at history and we have really messed with our environment. Dams that change the natural flow of rivers, massive open cut mines and gallon after gallon of waste material. We need to find better ways to do things and unfortunately a lot of the change has to be initiated by the most ineffectual people in the world, politicians.

Take power supply for one. Australians get their power from coal. It’s cheap and we have loads of the stuff, but clean? Hardly. It’s filthy to dig up and it’s filthy to burn. We have an abundance of uranium in this country and, despite the fact the cleanest form of mass power production has come a long way since Chernobyl, we still have not had a serious debate about it. Why even debate the issue? Time is running out too quickly, why not just build a nuclear power plant and deal with the tree huggers later?

Or maybe this: on a quick drive through Bacchus Marsh, I realised I was looking at roof after roof after roof of one of the many housing estates dotted around our fine country. I stared to wonder, as many have before me, “What if we covered every roof in Australia with solar panels and then hooked it up to the power grid?” I realise that cost is a factor but surely it’s a one-of, and imagine having clean, renewable energy powering all Australian homes for the foreseeable future!

There are difficulties with solar power cells and the connection to the grid that need an experienced electrician to rectify; and it has been pointed out to me that some of them may die in the process. We already know how hard it is to find an electrician right now so they really are an important commodity. It has also been pointed out to me (thankyou Jane for both suggestions) that solar panel is not terribly efficient at high temperatures, much like a city train, however, I am confident that once we really start jumping into solar technology answers for those issues will eventually be found. We are a clever species after all. Current solar panels are nearly twice as effective as there older cousins, something to do with light receptor technology, and the more money we pour into this technology the faster things will get sorted.

Here’s another thing. Only 3% of the Earth’s water is fresh water. Earth’s water system is also circulatory. In a nutshell this means that the water Earth started with is all the water Earth is going to get. It takes a drop of water twenty years to return to its starting point. Why do we find the idea of drinking recycled water so abhorrent? It’s done in Europe and they don’t seem to be shuffling off the mortal coil, so why not here? The simple fact remains that after sewage has been treated it’s probably cleaner than the water currently coming out of our taps.

I’m no-one’s idea of an expert, but even I can see that all these things are just common sense. What the hell is wrong with all our politicians?

Right, I’m out, over to you K-Rudd.

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