Editors’ Rant - Feb 2012
- February, 2012   If you’re a Tribune fan (and we guess you must be since you’re reading this and if you’re not reading this then we... |
Preface to a Counter Protest
- February, 2012  Defence of the Fertility Control Clinic The front gate of the Fertility Control Clinic in East Melbourne is a frontline of... |
I’m not a climate scientist but...
- February, 2012  Anyone who’s ever been in a car with children will know that when they’re not crying, pulling each other’s hair or... |
What We Talk About When We Talk About Socialism
- February, 2012  The taxi driver in Maui picked the accent straight away. “Look out!” he said. “The Aussies are here!” Turns out he used to... |
Science
- February, 2012  First of all, let me make it very clear: I do not have a problem with science. Secondly, let me make it even clearer: I... |
Intelligent Design - It's NOT Science
- February, 2012  Perhaps I should preface this article with “I’m not a scientist, but…”. A long time ago, people used to believe that it... |
Getting Rid of the Ute
- February, 2012  I never used to drive my car. It sat outside my house, different random parts either rusting or drying out depending on... |
Why I Can’t Get Behind Soften The Fck Up
- February, 2012  Soften The Fck Up is an initiative aimed at breaking down the “tough Aussie bloke” façade and getting men to open up to... |
Weddings
- February, 2012  In the last six weeks of 2011, I attended six weddings. Week after week I found myself donning a suit to spend the day... |
On SOPA
- February, 2012  I imagine most of you reading this have a blog or your own little website, a place where you’ve invested time and energy... |
A History Of Stupidity
- February, 2012  In 1796 a very special and very dangerous kind of idiot was born. Smallpox was running rampant throughout Europe until a... |
Gaming is for Grown Ups
- February, 2012  As a full-time technology journalist who has specialised in the critiquing of video games for over a decade, you’d be... |
Simulation
- February, 2012  Oh yes, I’m the great pretender |
Nigella, The Antechinus Family, And The West’s...
- February, 2012  I used to love watching acclaimed kitchen goddess, the luscious Nigella Lawson, when she first appeared on the small... |
Political Affiliation
- February, 2012  Some people hold political affiliations with an almost religious fervour. Their political beliefs shape everything, from... |
Lessons from A Caravan Park
- February, 2012  Most of us have memories of staying in a caravan park. Whether it was as kids, parents, schoolies or backpackers, the... |
Resurrecting the Hors d’Œuvre Course
- February, 2012  An hors d’œuvre course to the French, like antipasto to the Italians, is the start of the midday meal. Individual, small,... |
Wine Online
- February, 2012  Wine retailing, like the rest of the retailing world, is going through a bit of a seismic shift from bricks & mortar to... |
Cryptic Crossword - Feb12
- February, 2012 As always, first correctly completed cryptic crossword sent to |
Political Affiliation
- February, 2012 Some people hold political affiliations with an almost religious fervour. Their political beliefs shape everything, from... |
Preface to a Counter Protest
- February, 2012 Defence of the Fertility Control Clinic The front gate of the Fertility Control Clinic in East Melbourne is a frontline of... |
On SOPA
- February, 2012 I imagine most of you reading this have a blog or your own little website, a place where you’ve invested time and energy... |
Australia’s School Funding Quagmire
- January, 2012  Australia has one of the most complex, inconsistent and opaque school funding arrangements in the developed world. You... |
What We Talk About When We Talk About Socialism
- February, 2012 The taxi driver in Maui picked the accent straight away. “Look out!” he said. “The Aussies are here!” Turns out he used to... |
I Have A Question And My Question Is This:
- January, 2012  Who the fuck am I meant to vote for at the next Federal election? This is not a rhetorical question. I really want to... |
Lessons from A Caravan Park
- February, 2012 Most of us have memories of staying in a caravan park. Whether it was as kids, parents, schoolies or backpackers, the... |
A Conspiracy Of Feathered Simpletons
- January, 2012  And then, of course, there’s the question of the evolutionary future of pigeons. A while ago, through a series of... |
Weddings
- February, 2012 In the last six weeks of 2011, I attended six weddings. Week after week I found myself donning a suit to spend the day... |
Thank You, Batman
- October, 2011  Time is a mighty river, and I am an ominously unpiloted rental kayak floating past the picnic area. It’s my first day at a... |
Science
- February, 2012 First of all, let me make it very clear: I do not have a problem with science. Secondly, let me make it even clearer: I... |
From Swords to Soundbites - HENRY I
- October, 2011  King Henry I of England, known to later generations as Henry Beauclerc, the Lion Of Justice, succeeded his flamboyant... |
Simulation
- February, 2012 Oh yes, I’m the great pretender |
On SOPA
- February, 2012 I imagine most of you reading this have a blog or your own little website, a place where you’ve invested time and energy... |
Gaming is for Grown Ups
- February, 2012 As a full-time technology journalist who has specialised in the critiquing of video games for over a decade, you’d be... |
Why I Can’t Get Behind Soften The Fck Up
- February, 2012 Soften The Fck Up is an initiative aimed at breaking down the “tough Aussie bloke” façade and getting men to open up to... |
A History Of Stupidity
- February, 2012 In 1796 a very special and very dangerous kind of idiot was born. Smallpox was running rampant throughout Europe until a... |
Credentials & Democratic Decline
- October, 2011  ‘People should be aware of what’s out there. And not believe what they read just because it’s written.’ Astro-turf... |
Fevola At The Brownlow - How He Could've Got Away WIth It
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Fev is no stranger to fuck ups involving alcohol, let’s face it. That thing in Ireland, that thing in Prahran, that thing with the dildo, that thing the other night at the Brownlow. Gee whiz, a big fit young man who’s a star in a rampantly male industry, at one of the blokier clubs in the competition has a tendency to act like a dick when full of gas. Who woulda thunk it?
His club fines him, which is kind of appropriate when you consider that they have sponsors who pay money to attach their logo to the CFC. He’s publicly criticised by Demetriou, which is also kind of appropriate when you consider the AFL’s need for the right image for its sponsors.
And Channel Nine cut his segment. Hang on a second, The What You Say? They gave him a microphone, and set him loose, unsupervised, amongst his mates, the media, barely-dressed WAGs, and unlimited free piss, and are now washing their hands of him, cutting his segment on tonight’s Grand Final Footy Show. He’s copping so much shit that his head, with “YOU NEED HELP” completely covers the front page of the Little Paper this morning.
Poor Brendan really does need help. He needs help in learning what he can get away with, and I have some suggestions.
He needs to age about thirty years, but keep dating twenty year olds. He needs to have a couple of appalling facelifts, so he looks like a surprised but slightly less orange George Hamilton without the class. He needs to be blatantly misogynistic and offensive toward women, for example by groping a cardboard cutout of a respected female journalist, not just make dopey “ooer” comments at WAGs. He needs to have embarrassing domestic incidents in public.
He needs to build a ridiculous house with Pamela Anderson on the wall. He needs to dress up in blackface on national television, and call it satire. Oh, and he needs to call a dark-skinned Malaysian man a monkey and, rather than leave the term “monkey” as a generic for stupid, he needs to say something about “straight out of the forest, that bloke”. Then, just to make it clear that he’s a comic genius, he needs to reinforce the monkey point by referring to Serena Williams.
Then Channel Nine will back him to the hilt, and pay him a million bucks a year.
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