What is it about psychology that makes people think they can do it themselves? Granted, if you have spent a substantial amount of time between high school and your late twenties knee deep in text books, case studies and lectures on the subject, and then spent another couple of years dipping your toe in with an experienced practitioner looking over your shoulder and telling you when you’re getting it wrong, then you may have an excuse. But, to everyone else, the brain is complicated, psychology is difficult and you can’t fix yourself or others just because you’ve read a couple of self help books and spent some time with your hand on your chakra.

I’m not a psychologist but, through some sort of bizarre irony I have spent a lot of time around them (note: in a social, not professional context). When I first moved to Melbourne I shared a flat with a girl doing her Doctorate in Psych, and of course come April next year I’ll be married to a psychologist. This has demonstrated to me the skill and knowledge that one needs in order to attempt to fix someone’s head. So it comes as a bit of shock that people with no training or skill in the area are prepared to have a crack at it.

I’ll give you an example. My mum is a lovely, softly spoken, gentle lady. A couple of years ago, she needed to have some remedial massage. So there she is having her massage and the young bloke doing the business notices a bit of tension in Mum’s shoulder. Not satisfied with just rubbing it ‘till it was gone, as I would have thought his job demanded, our young buck decides to delve a little deeper. “You’ve got some tension here across your shoulders, did something traumatic happen to you while you were growing up that might have caused it?” What the hell!? What has that got to do with anything, and even if it does, what is this wanker going to do about it? You’re not a shrink mate, you’re a masseuse. Rub muscles and shut the hell up.

So who or what is responsible for this? Why do people think it’s easy and then decide the world would be a better place if they were to offer their psychological skill for the ‘betterment’ of society?

Well, I blame books and TV. And I’ll tell you why.

Let’s start with books. For someone to get a book published, it has to be entertaining. If it’s entertaining enough it will sell. Now, that may not be a bad thing when you’re looking for Da Vinci to solve the mysteries and riddles of 2000 years of Christianity, but on a subject with the potential for misuse such as the workings or otherwise of the brain, I would argue that accuracy should be included in the criteria for publication. Apparently publishers haven’t cottoned on to this idea though because now, with the ‘help’ of the self-help section at your friendly Borders, any old tosser who feels it is their duty to society to espouse the benefits of “harnessing good energy” and “releasing your feelings” can fix the most broken of humans. Wow! Thank you Dr Street Psychologist, all my sociopathic urges have just melted away, let’s go to the park and hold hands and do spins.

Even more insidious is the watering down and complete misrepresentation of the seriousness of mental health that these books provide. On a recent trip to America, I came across an offering that would have been funny, if it wasn’t so tragic. ‘Depression for Dummies.’ What? Are you kidding me? Talk about a franchise gone mad, what’s next, Jim’s Gynaecology?

Television has its own case to answer for this self diagnosis gone mad. That’s right Dr Phil, I’m looking at you, you psychological snake oil salesman. How is it that this man has not been discovered for a fraud? If, and it’s a big if, these people are really suffering from deep seated issues that they cannot assuage themselves, why go and sit on the big chair and expose your inner most fears to MILLIONS OF TV VIEWERS??? Bloody Hell, what school of psychology would recommend that? The end result? Dr Phil lets you know that you should seek help. Thanks Dr, what the hell was I doing here in the first place? What sort of person sits there in the depths of despair looking for a little help and chooses a live TV audience over the guidance of a trained professional in a private consulting room? Really, you’d be better off smoking a big joint and watching Pink Floyd’s ‘The Wall’ again.

The brain is the most complicated and intricate organism known to man, more so even than the little bird that drinks the glass of water. I don’t know how much humans, with all their accumulated knowledge from the millions of years we have been here, have figured out about it, but it’s not much. So why do we need to take its mysterious workings and have a bit of a stab at fixing them in 270 pages or a 45 minute tv slot?

Psychology is hard enough to spell, so please, don’t try it at home.

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