Right. TV is rubbish yeah?

Firstly, you can’t watch a live game of footy without paying for the privilege on Foxtel; and secondly, the networks have figured out that actors charge a lot more than retards direct from the street, spawning the eminently crap genre of ‘reality’ TV.

I must concede there is choice in dramatic viewing, but it’s only between groups of different detectives and prosecutors in the New York Police Department solving what appears to be the same crime, week in, week out. All in all, not much to get excited about really.

However, despite, or perhaps in spite of the endless dross on the box, I have always been able to take refuge in the relative safe viewing haven of SBS. Yes, there is the obvious appeal of a fairly reliable chance of a French tittie flick at least once a week, and while this is clearly enough, there is more to this bastion of entertainment. There’s the thoroughly enjoyable pastime of watching the two yank nerds trying to blow themselves up, the three Poms trying to justify another reason to borrow a Bugatti Veyron, or the four little cartoon lads effectively offending every group of people with a name and a cause, be it major, minor or otherwise. However, even amongst all of this viewing pleasure there lies an unrivalled jewel of audio visual gold, none other than the World News Australia, and I’ll tell you why.

I didn’t really relish the idea of writing something along a political line for this edition of the Tribune. It’s not that I don’t like politics; in fact, I think it’s some of the best entertainment going around. There’s endless comedic value in watching this bunch of folks charged with our governance bluster and bullshit their way through the unnavigable landscape of public opinion and consciousness, while trying to hide their utter contempt for us little guys, wishing we’d all just shut up and leave them to their junkets. No, the real issue I had with writing something about politics is that, to a large extent, it’s all been said before. There’s really not too much that’s new about having a dig at our pollies for their funny haircuts, funny habits or funny voices. Indeed our political leaders and servants have been propping up the act of the Australian comedian for generations; much longer than I’ve been around. So the last thing I wanted to do was rehash all their rehashes.

I need not have feared however, because old faithful SBS World News had the answer. For a solid hour I was treated to a cavalcade of the political weird and wonderful from across the globe. Now I understand why I never find the Aussie political satirist very funny. Our politics are, in contrast, lame.

So it was, while vainly trying to devise some witty repartee along a political bent that I sat down to World News Australia, and relief was at hand. All sombrely introduced I might add, by anchorman Anton Enus, whose legacy will surely be found in the opening line of the yet to be written worlds funniest limerick.

Here is a taste of the sort of political shambolism you’ll find on a given night. Watching a couple of weeks ago we see the continued reporting of the laughably titled Zimbabwean Presidential Run-Off. To the best of my knowledge, this was an election with only one candidate, who had previously lost the election. I’ll bet little Johnny was at home watching with dismay, lamenting opportunities lost. Following up this was the poor old opposition leader from Malaysia being detained and questioned by authorities on charges of sodomy. That’s right sodomy. I know that’s just a fancy word for being gay in a country that doesn’t like people to be. But it just sounds so biblically wrong. I can only imagine what his punishment will be if he’s found guilty. Stoned to death by a troupe of false beard wearing ladies would seem to fit.

But the cake would have to have been taken by the liberation of a bunch of hostages in Columbia including a former Columbian Presidential candidate. Now while the situation itself is not overly amusing, especially for the poor guys who had been held at gunpoint for six years in the Columbian jungle, there were a couple of aspects that have to make you smile. Firstly, and yes, I am an immature and puerile little man, but guess what the name of this fearsome rebel alliance in the Columbian hills was? FARC. Brilliant. I know it’s a foreign language, and it stands for something meaningful. But it still spells a rude word, and that is gold.

I think the best bit though was the nature of the rescue itself. A group of Columbian Army Special Forces soldiers pretended to be another rebel group, and rolled up in a helicopter to take the prisoners away for some reason. “Ah, yeah, Hi. We’re your fighting brothers from, umm, FARC-YU, we’re here to get the prisoners.” “Really, no-one told us you were coming.” “Yeah, it’s Pablo, his email has been a bit dodgy this week, it’s OK though, we’ll bring them back in a day or two.” “O.K. you seem legit, nice ‘chopper by the way, wish we had one.” Then as the last prisoner is loaded and the helicopter disappears into the night the boss returns. “What was that?” “Oh just those guys who came to pick up the prisoners.” “What guys?” “Oh shit!” Not the sort of group that seems, in light of this, to be too terrifying and nasty. I’ll bet they check ID’s next time.

As the night rolls on we are treated to story after story, political satire masked as real life from the good folk at World News. I can highly recommend it to anyone looking for a good laugh. I do hold out hope that one day Australian politics will provide as much native humour as our neighbours in the world are able on a nightly basis, but until then, I’ll be at home, beer in hand, feet on the coffee table, locked on SBS.

+ 1

+ 1