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This should actually be Village Idiots, rather than the singular form, as I’m going to make reference to a group of people who have proven themselves to be no more than a collective of Village Idiots.

As I’ve mentioned in the past I currently work in hospitality, and it does mean at times I have to take deep breaths and suck it up when confronted by an acutely moronic customer. I wish I could say that these times are rare.

Just for general background here, YES there is chicken in the Chicken Sandwich, if Beef Schnitzel is not listed on the menu then NO we don’t fucking serve it, and no I DON’T know what the hell you want when I answer the room service phone and you ask me what you fucking want!

And for good measure if it’s 7:18pm and Happy Hour in the bar finished at 7:00pm then NO you are not getting a Crown lager for $5.00, you cheap bastard!

I have more but I’m trying to limit myself, even though it is very cathartic to see all of these instances of idiocy played out in words on my screen.

My current ire is directed at the happy-clappers, the God-botherers, the nasty-arse pieces of religious hypocrisy that have invaded my establishment in the past month - twice!

From the limited understanding of religion I gathered in the latter years of Sunday School (where I kept myself awake by plotting how to get behind the sheds with young Sarah....or was it Kate......for a bit of early adolescent snogging and a cigarette) forgiveness was a big part of the teachings. Funny how there isn’t much forgiveness being thrown around when a group of people hit the full-to-the-point-of-bursting restaurant and find that not only do they have to wait 20 minutes for a seat and a further 30 minutes for main courses to be served, but they also have a limited menu to choose from.

Ever heard of picking up a phone and reserving a table for the appropriate time, fucktard?

Another religious tenet I’ve heard tell of seems to be completely ignored by these ingrates. ‘Do unto others as you would have them do to you’. Somewhere between last Sunday’s sermon and Friday night’s dinner service the happy-clappers seem to forget or simply ignore one of Big J’s really important messages.

I really really hope that some day that one of these nasty creatures invites me to their home for a meal, so I can treat them with the same contempt they’ve treated my waitresses. I will take great pleasure in clicking my fingers at any passing family member and making requests for things that aren’t on the evening’s menu and then sneering and sulking when I can’t have them.

That is another thing that bugs the shit out of me now that I’ve spent some time working in restaurant. For the most part, people are happy to peruse the Bill of Fare and work out what it contains that suits both their evening culinary desires and their dietary requirements. The religious bastards on the other hand, seem to think we are dieticians, general practitioners, chefs, alchemists and prophets all rolled into one! You tell us what your dietary requirements are, we tell you what menu items suits.......you fucking decide on which option suit your desires at the time!

It’s not even really the pickiness and complaining about the menu that bugs me the most, it is the rudeness. The typical self-righteousness of the religious zealot attending a pilgrimage and finding Jesus, who turn up their nose and cast their scorn at the people serving their food. It’s the simple unacknowledged hypocrisy of their behaviour that makes them Village Idiots. These people listen to or actively preach about peace, love, forgiveness and treating everyone with brotherly love, yet can’t even follow their own beliefs during a simple half hour in a restaurant.

People who have spent their day with their bible clutched firmly to their bosom can easily turn into the most smug ill-mannered bastards that I have had to deal with in months.

On that note....... ♪Please allow me to introduce myself ♪ ;-)

(Yes I know I shouldn’t end on an in-joke but I couldn’t help myself!)

 

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