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Sometimes, and I do mean sometimes, I work pretty hard. In fact, there have been weeks where I reckon I’ve nearly earned some of my paycheck. So it is with much dismay that I note each week the substantial portion of my yieldings that have been withdrawn by the Government.

I know there is an argument that certain things need to be provided by the Government. Real important things too, like 2020 summits, VIP jets and Julia Gillard’s hair stylist, and that these important things need to be paid for out of revenue the Government makes.

So without taxes, they can’t be paid for right? Wrong? I know I’m not supposed to mention it, but having worked in the Government for over ten years I can say that we have access to all sorts of cool alien technology we could export for cash, not to mention the natural beauty we could ravage to pull minerals out of the ground and sell to semi-stable nuclear power wannabes.

OK, so maybe not a solution! I’ll concede that taxes may be a necessary evil. However, I am a lazy, and often broke bugger, so when it comes to trying to claw a bit back for myself come tax time, I generally avoid the required organisation and expense of a tax agent in favour of a last minute and ill-considered panic.

My tax return effort used to involve a frustrating annual ritual of banging down to the newsagent on the final day available to lodge my return and picking up the tax pack. I would then spend a frustrating night trying to figure out what I can possible claim without a shred of evidence, before posting it off at 3 minutes to midnight.

The frustration and lack of consideration however was partially alleviated a few years ago with the invention of the internet. Actually it didn’t coincide with the invention of the net per-se. It was about fifteen years later when the taxation department, along with the rest of the public service, finally figured out that it may be a useful business tool and built the e-tax web application. So, joy of joys, I was now able to just fill in the blanks and scroll forward. It even included a big red button at the end to send it in. The handy little internet thingy would even tell me exactly how much bullshit I could get away with before I had to fear every cheap suited man on the tram that stayed on for more than three stops. Suddenly my tax life was back on track.

One year later, and for some reason, it all goes bad. See the little internet thingy would give me a running total of the money I would either receive in a return (yay!) or have to pay back (boo!). Now, I have a very simple tax life. (Yeah, I only realised how funny that sounded in the previous paragraph, so I’m going to keep using it from here on in) Anyway, back to my tax life (tee hee), it’s very simple. I have no assets, no debts, thus I should by rights receive a modest return each year. So this particular year in question, I prepare to reveal my year’s tax life on the web. I think I was even a little early. As I’m going through my total seems to be hovering at about a thousand dollars. Not too bad. Until I get to the last question, do you have a HECS debt. So I tick yes, as I have a couple of thousand dollars left, which I am paying off in fortnightly instalments from my pay. Just like every other bastard in the world! All of a sudden, I’m not expecting a nice little October bonus. Now, somehow, I owe the tax department NEARLY ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!

Are you friggen serious? I’m happy to pay a bit off out of my return. But you’re going to put in hock to pay off the whole lot at once? Well, get stuffed I say. All of a sudden my tax life is no business of the internets no more and I decide not to lodge it out of protest (read panic!).

Of course my somewhat ill thought out and hasty reaction to this situation has the potential to blow up in my face. I’m told the taxation department takes a dim view of you not sharing your tax life with them. And this year it got especially nasty, what with big Kev offering a free nine hundred clams for those who have shared. Given my space restrictions for this article, and the fact that I don’t want to share my tax life with everyone, just take it from me, it all worked out and I’ll never do that again.

In fact, it turns out that a healthy tax life often starts with a revealing HECS life. (I know, I’m so sorry!!!)

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